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Fifteen. Pure madness.
God is my best friend.
I'm an awkward turtle.

: Emz, 22 June.
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• Pretence.
• Kaleidoscope.
• My titles make no sense sometimes. Orange.
• Henna!
• Hey.
• Pastel love.
• Up up and away.
• Ants have magic. *laugh*
• Fluffy panda.
• Let's be horses.

Hay. Got motivated to blog after reading my friend's. Although I'm sure no one reads this. *pokerface*

So I died after exams. It sucked. I was so stressed I almost cried ;_; Well, mostly because I'm a last minute person too.. so it's my fault *sob*
Tell me how am I going to get through O's.
Okay at least my results kind of made me feel better. Kind of. 
It's pressurising especially when people expect good results from you. Even my classmates. They expect me to get the best. The highest. (since I got it once for one subject..) 
This time after my exams I was very demoralised. I mean, I know myself.
I will be happy yet a little disappointed if I just pass for subjects that I should get okok results lah. (Does this even make sense.) 
But I wasn't confident in getting good results for any subject.
So it really puts me down when before getting the results, people come to me and say
"Ohh I think I'm going to fail." (This part it alright)
Then I say "Me too! I'm scared."
And then this girl said to me, "Don't bluff lah." (This part. No. Just no.)
Like whut. I was seriously scared ok. I don't want to fail. I just want a passing mark.
How can I bluff when I'm not even confident of achieving and "A".
Hate it when people do that. But when I really got an "A", I thanked God. I was really surprised. I seriously didn't expect it 'cause those questions that I thought would get wrong, I got it right. (Mostly long solving questions so obviously that pulled me up when I unexpectedly got it right.) 
Sometimes when they say that beforehand and in the end they get much higher than me, they either go "but -insert bullshit here-" or they nothing to say.
Then when I get higher than them by a little, they say "See!" and they start whining like I'm the cause of their failure.
That day I was so pissed off with these people talking shit to me I didn't want to talk anymore. I just stone in my seat giving off the -don't talk to me- vibe. Hahaha.

Ok so my results hmm.
Science physics quite disappointing since I expect better of me. Passed by one mark. HAHA.
Science chem same marks. This kind of surprised me since I'm always failing chem by one mark or something. Just always failing or surprising myself by passing by half or one mark. Heh. Not satisfied though.
I'm not a science person. Even after studying so hard for it, I still don't get anything. *Cry*
I love biology. Sadly since I'm not a science person.. 57/100 HAHA. The learning process is fun but exams nono. And omg. There's the reassessment test if you don't hit a certain target for pure sciences. I am this close to doing the test! The test is for people who got 55 and below. I literally heaved a sigh of relief and was repeatedly thanking God. Heh. Now must start improving. Every subject needs help. Real help.

Seriously ZY can be my life-saver at times. "START TODAY, DO NOT DELAY" < from her blog :> Sometimes she really motivates me in everything. Studies, life. What would I do without her. Probably died a long time ago.

Bye it's late! Well not really but I'm sleepy. Ciao.

Hay. Got motivated to blog after reading my friend's. Although I'm sure no one reads this. *pokerface*

So I died after exams. It sucked. I was so stressed I almost cried ;_; Well, mostly because I'm a last minute person too.. so it's my fault *sob*
Tell me how am I going to get through O's.
Okay at least my results kind of made me feel better. Kind of. 
It's pressurising especially when people expect good results from you. Even my classmates. They expect me to get the best. The highest. (since I got it once for one subject..) 
This time after my exams I was very demoralised. I mean, I know myself.
I will be happy yet a little disappointed if I just pass for subjects that I should get okok results lah. (Does this even make sense.) 
But I wasn't confident in getting good results for any subject.
So it really puts me down when before getting the results, people come to me and say
"Ohh I think I'm going to fail." (This part it alright)
Then I say "Me too! I'm scared."
And then this girl said to me, "Don't bluff lah." (This part. No. Just no.)
Like whut. I was seriously scared ok. I don't want to fail. I just want a passing mark.
How can I bluff when I'm not even confident of achieving and "A".
Hate it when people do that. But when I really got an "A", I thanked God. I was really surprised. I seriously didn't expect it 'cause those questions that I thought would get wrong, I got it right. (Mostly long solving questions so obviously that pulled me up when I unexpectedly got it right.) 
Sometimes when they say that beforehand and in the end they get much higher than me, they either go "but -insert bullshit here-" or they nothing to say.
Then when I get higher than them by a little, they say "See!" and they start whining like I'm the cause of their failure.
That day I was so pissed off with these people talking shit to me I didn't want to talk anymore. I just stone in my seat giving off the -don't talk to me- vibe. Hahaha.

Ok so my results hmm.
Science physics quite disappointing since I expect better of me. Passed by one mark. HAHA.
Science chem same marks. This kind of surprised me since I'm always failing chem by one mark or something. Just always failing or surprising myself by passing by half or one mark. Heh. Not satisfied though.
I'm not a science person. Even after studying so hard for it, I still don't get anything. *Cry*
I love biology. Sadly since I'm not a science person.. 57/100 HAHA. The learning process is fun but exams nono. And omg. There's the reassessment test if you don't hit a certain target for pure sciences. I am this close to doing the test! The test is for people who got 55 and below. I literally heaved a sigh of relief and was repeatedly thanking God. Heh. Now must start improving. Every subject needs help. Real help.

Seriously ZY can be my life-saver at times. "START TODAY, DO NOT DELAY" < from her blog :> Sometimes she really motivates me in everything. Studies, life. What would I do without her. Probably died a long time ago.

Bye it's late! Well not really but I'm sleepy. Ciao.

Sometimes I wonder how people see me and what they think of me. It scares me a bit, honestly. I am sure though, that what they think of me, what they think my life is, is a complete misperception. I have always tried to show myself as a carefree person, as someone who wont get bothered because of public judgements. I am sure my friend and family think there is nothing going wrong in my life, that I do not worry enough, that I am always happy. And I am sure they probably somewhat hate me for it because, lets admit it, there is nothing worse than seeing someone who is life seems so perfect while yours is a complete mess. Truth is, I have become an expert at pretending. I think we are all experts or at least we are getting there.

links exchanged opened! just tag me but link me first

coming soon....